Of course I do!
With the new addition in our family, I find my time split between managing two kids – with the newborn demanding most of my time, house chores, cooking and getting some time for myself if I’m lucky. My daughter, who used to spend most of her time with me, suddenly has to spend most of her time with Daddy and share me with her baby brother. I also don’t go out as often with her now because the newborn feeds 3 hourly and I have to express after I’m done feeding him regardless he latches or not. I was hoping to go on DL this time round but try as I might, my dear son does not empty well and he would prefer the bottle. Blame it on introducing the bottle when supply couldn’t meet demand during the first few growth spurts. But it’s too late for that now since we’re onto the second month.
My daughter on the other hand, has preferred spending time with Daddy because I’m mostly not available during the time she needs me. Guilty as I am, she is definitely showing me the lack of love she has for me by going off to school without kiss goodbyes, waking up without hugs, walking off during a conversation. Sometimes I do find her behavior pretty rude but then she starts asking me, ‘Mommy, do you love me?’
I remembered I used to ask her the same question as I was teasing her when she was younger. But at different scenarios of the day, the very same question evokes a different kind of vibe. ‘Am I showing her I don’t love her?’ ‘Is she upset I’m not spending more time with her?’ ‘Is she asking for fun?’
Just few days back, she started saying to me that she doesn’t like me and she likes Daddy. Actually that broke my heart a little. The postpartum pregnancy hormones were raging and I was very affected. I know she is a kid and I couldn’t understand why she didn’t like me. I tried asking her nicely what is he reason and I gave her scenarios – is it because Mommy didn’t sleep with you? Is it because Mommy couldn’t fetch you to school? But really, at this age she would probably admit to anything to get away. Sounds like a perfect threenager scenario.
Regardless, my answer to her was always ‘Of course, I love you so much’. And I only hope the days past by faster and the little brother is able to play with her; me too, will have more time for her.